Energy

Kids are crazy full of energy! That has to be in the top 10 reasons why to not have any. Sophia did this forever - just ran and ran. When she was done, she ran some more.

Now, if only I was smart enough to flip the video the right direction.

Pecking Chickens

21 Reasons

I received this email from a friend of mine the other day. The email was entitled '21 Things I've Learned From My Children.' I would like to change it to '21 Reasons Why I Will Never Have Children.'

Things I've learned from my children:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Trying to Sleep

A friend of mine comes to work today complaining about how tired she was because she had to sleep on the couch last night. When I asked why she slept on the couch she just played with her phone. I was so confused...and then I heard this:

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Her husband snores. So much so he woke her up in the middle of the night and then she couldn't fall back asleep. Of course, he would never believe her so she decided to tape it. I am ever so thankful that she did...never getting married.

Reason #

Multiple times a day at work I find myself saying 'that is reason number...why I am never getting married/having kids.' The one that made me laugh today:

'I am lucky to be in a wonderful marriage. But I have to be honest, it was better before we had kids. If we knew then what we know now we would have never had kids.'

Meaningful Text Conversation with Mom

My friend Heather (who also does not want kids) sent me a message today. It was a text conversation she had with her mom:

Mom: "How'd the unpacking going?"

Me: "Hahahahaha"

Mom: "Oh."

Me: "They left me with the kids as soon as I got here yesterday. Then Britt had her interview today and got very lost. Twice. I was so irritable by the time she got back."

Mom: "Meh heh."

Me: "Exactly."

Mom: "Well. Um. Yeah."

Me: "And Em is on her 6th pair of panties. And at 2:30 this morning Rayden was freezing so I put him in bed with me and right away his diaper leaked. 'Slept' on the couch."

Mom: "Welcome to Motherhood 101."

Me: "I tried throwing myself fown the stairs but then I remembered abstinence works just as well."

Mom: "What?!? No kids in your future??? Shocker."

Me: "Hate to break it to ya, Mom."

Mom: "It's ok. At least you will have your sanity."

Me: "That might be a premature statement. They may be shipping me home in a straight jacket manana."

Mom: "Ohh. I hope it's a pretty jacket with shiney buckles. That would be cool?"

Me: "At least let me be insane in style. I hear that military-inspired jackets are popular again this season."

Mom: "Awesome. You can accessorize and dress them up or down. Gotta look at the bright side!"

Me: "A positive mental patient. I like it!"

Mom: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Money

Today I heard a conversation between my friends and their new high schooler. Oh high school boys, well students really, how they have no concept of money.  After the 2nd day of school he comes home with a new t-shirt sporting his school colors. When asked where he got the shirt the answer was that he bought it. When asked where he got the money? Silly question, he used his lunch money (for the rest of the week). Lunch was $2. Shirts, conveniently enough were on sale for $8. I suppose more lunch money will just magically appear tomorrow kind of like it did today. I would only like to assume it will only be a couple of bucks.