Christmas

Christmas is like crack for kids. What part of that is good?

Change

People change...unfortunately not always for the best.  Heaven forbid I end up marrying that person.

The #1 Reason

The #1 reason why I will not have kids...

Diapers! I was hanging out with the kid yesterday when she had a stinky diaper. This was not just any dirty diaper...it was the worst thing I have ever seen come out of a person. Who knew it could be so colorful...and who knew I could gag so many times without actually vomiting.

I don't see how parents do it.

My friends are perfect; a true picture of what a marriage should be. They have been married for longer than I have been alive. They are understanding of each other and open to each others ideas. It appears that they truly listen to each other and try to be as giving of themselves as possible. He can't help but talk about how she is just as perfect as the first time he laid eyes on her. She also often tells of the sweet things he does to show his love for her whether it is buying flowers, a random middle of the day phone call or surprise dates. 

Perfect - until one of them was unfaithful and cheated on their spouse. What is it that would make someone who is so in love with their spouse (or at least appear on all accounts to be in love) cheat? Unfortunately it is just a reminder that marriage is hard; amazingly difficult even. Even if I were to get married to an amazing person what is there to say that another opportunity, if you will, will come along for either one of us?

Energy

Kids are crazy full of energy! That has to be in the top 10 reasons why to not have any. Sophia did this forever - just ran and ran. When she was done, she ran some more.

Now, if only I was smart enough to flip the video the right direction.

Pecking Chickens

21 Reasons

I received this email from a friend of mine the other day. The email was entitled '21 Things I've Learned From My Children.' I would like to change it to '21 Reasons Why I Will Never Have Children.'

Things I've learned from my children:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Trying to Sleep

A friend of mine comes to work today complaining about how tired she was because she had to sleep on the couch last night. When I asked why she slept on the couch she just played with her phone. I was so confused...and then I heard this:

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Her husband snores. So much so he woke her up in the middle of the night and then she couldn't fall back asleep. Of course, he would never believe her so she decided to tape it. I am ever so thankful that she did...never getting married.

Reason #

Multiple times a day at work I find myself saying 'that is reason number...why I am never getting married/having kids.' The one that made me laugh today:

'I am lucky to be in a wonderful marriage. But I have to be honest, it was better before we had kids. If we knew then what we know now we would have never had kids.'

Meaningful Text Conversation with Mom

My friend Heather (who also does not want kids) sent me a message today. It was a text conversation she had with her mom:

Mom: "How'd the unpacking going?"

Me: "Hahahahaha"

Mom: "Oh."

Me: "They left me with the kids as soon as I got here yesterday. Then Britt had her interview today and got very lost. Twice. I was so irritable by the time she got back."

Mom: "Meh heh."

Me: "Exactly."

Mom: "Well. Um. Yeah."

Me: "And Em is on her 6th pair of panties. And at 2:30 this morning Rayden was freezing so I put him in bed with me and right away his diaper leaked. 'Slept' on the couch."

Mom: "Welcome to Motherhood 101."

Me: "I tried throwing myself fown the stairs but then I remembered abstinence works just as well."

Mom: "What?!? No kids in your future??? Shocker."

Me: "Hate to break it to ya, Mom."

Mom: "It's ok. At least you will have your sanity."

Me: "That might be a premature statement. They may be shipping me home in a straight jacket manana."

Mom: "Ohh. I hope it's a pretty jacket with shiney buckles. That would be cool?"

Me: "At least let me be insane in style. I hear that military-inspired jackets are popular again this season."

Mom: "Awesome. You can accessorize and dress them up or down. Gotta look at the bright side!"

Me: "A positive mental patient. I like it!"

Mom: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Money

Today I heard a conversation between my friends and their new high schooler. Oh high school boys, well students really, how they have no concept of money.  After the 2nd day of school he comes home with a new t-shirt sporting his school colors. When asked where he got the shirt the answer was that he bought it. When asked where he got the money? Silly question, he used his lunch money (for the rest of the week). Lunch was $2. Shirts, conveniently enough were on sale for $8. I suppose more lunch money will just magically appear tomorrow kind of like it did today. I would only like to assume it will only be a couple of bucks.

My Way

I like things my way. The thought of having to compromise for the rest of my life would drive me crazy.

Put the seat down

Don't stir the coffee and put the spoon back in the sugar

There shouldn't really be dirty dishes in the sink

I really hate people using my toothpaste

Throw away the empty toilet paper roll

I need the alarm to go off for 45 minutes before I am ready to get out of bed

All things I am pretty sure I could possibly commit murder over. Funny how the little things add up. Ok. Really, I'm selfish.

Facebook

Yesterday I finally decided to announce that I have a blog. Oh that Facebook - it never disappoints. Posting the link to this blog created a mix of comments. A few funny, some matter of fact and even one or two slightly disheartened by my choices. One particular comment was:

Interesting that some of the best candidates to be parents are choosing not to be parents. Fortunately lots are also choosing to be parents.

Though I appreciate the confidence in my abilities to be able to successfully raise children it has more to do with those that are not the best candidates. Why should I have kids when there are already so many in the world that need parents who are able to be parents instead of growing up (or not) alongside their children? Though no plan to have children, it is my plan to make a difference in the lives of as many of them as possible. One child at a time, one day at a time.

Terror

Today a friend of mine was retelling a story and as she was telling it I couldn't help but get goosebumps. The gist of the story is that for various reasons she thought her son had been abducted. And in that moment, listening to her talk about her family frantically searching for him, I felt terror. Even knowing the positive outcome ahead of time, I couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit of the fear that she must have been experiencing at that time.

I never want to have to experience that for myself.

Favorite Time of Year

Back to school time is definitely one of my favorite times of the year. I really love buying new school supplies. I remember as a kid always doing back to school shopping with my family, particularly with my mom. There is something about new things and the start of a new year. It's exciting.

Living in downtown Olympia, I am only blocks from one local elementary school that serves a large portion of our homeless students. Several years ago I realized that they don't get that same experience. Typically these students do not get the opportunity to go back to school shopping with their mom or even know how it feels to get new school supplies. So now I do my part to make that happen.

Why don't I want to have kids? I don't ever have to want to be put in a position where I am unable to provide for them; where I am unable to do something as simple as provide them with new school supplies for such an important time in their life. No one should have to go without - whether it be school supplies, or clothes, or food or shelter.

I have no plans of being in that situation myself. But heaven forbid I am, I would never want to make a child go through it with me.

A colorful load of laundry

Crayons in the dryer. Enough said.

Waiting

My married friends complain. And often. It seems lately that they are complaining about waiting on their spouse. When I am ready to go I leave. There is no waiting on a husband or kids or struggling  to get everyone in the car. It's just me. And I love it.

I don't want to...

Common words for all kids. This morning I heard one that went kind of like this...

K: I don't want to go to camp.

P: Why not?

K: I don't know anyone and my friend isn't going to be there

P: You should go and make new friends

K: I don't want to
P: But I have to go to work
K: But I don't want to

Kid wins. In turn, parents spend the morning rearranging their schedules to accommodate the fact that their child doesn't want to do something.

Poopoo in Hawkeye's Room!

Welcome to my blog - totally devoted to why I have no intentions of getting married or having children (mostly the latter). So to start you off with the number one reason I will not be having kids:


This moment could be what started it all...almost a year ago, my roommate's daughter (Sophia) left me a present while at work.